


Words I've Said Before

by spoiltmilk



Series: Lovers of the Seasons [1]
Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Heavy Angst, Infidelity, M/M, Slow Burn, Winter, i'm sorry pls dont hurt me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-03-07 03:26:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13425780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spoiltmilk/pseuds/spoiltmilk
Summary: To love someone, you must first love yourself. Unfortunately, Daniel had to learn that the hard way.





	1. And I promise to you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so first of all, i'll say sorry before y'all read this
> 
> it's a lil crappy and cliche-d, but I promise it gets better if you read it till the end!! c:
> 
> as usual, i love you guys and have a nice dayyy thank you for clicking on this <3

 

 

 

 _The_ **_winter_ ** _lover;_

_The one whose regrets_

_Can’t bring anyone back._

 

 

 

 

Daniel loved Jihoon.

 

They were together for _six_ years. Daniel had been suffering for three, all by himself, after the day of the accident. It was their anniversary, and if things had gone well, Daniel could have--  _could have-- g_ otten the chance to lower himself onto one knee before Jihoon and ask him to marry Daniel. It was going to happen in the park opposite their apartment, the one that lit up with the strings of fairy lights hanging off branches of the trees at night whenever the holiday season rolled around each year, with everyone watching.

 

Truthfully, Daniel didn’t think that far yet, about all those passers-by who would be there, he just knew that he needed to get married to Jihoon, and _fast_. But as he waited there for his boyfriend to arrive with the velvet ring box clasped between his clammy hands, it occurred to him that it wouldn’t matter. Jihoon would say yes. He would say yes because it was Daniel who was asking, because it was Daniel he had been _dating_ for the past six years. And because Jihoon had a lie to tell.

 

And the crowd that would be sure to gather around them as soon as Daniel popped the question wouldn’t matter at all, either. Jihoon was the sun. He was the stars. He was _air_.

 

You wouldn’t be able to look away. Daniel couldn’t.

 

So when Jihoon crossed the road, smiling from ear to ear, eager to be welcomed back into Daniel’s familiar embrace, the latter couldn’t tear his eyes away from what happened next, either.

 

Until today, Daniel wondered why none of them expected it, saw it coming.

 

Bright lights. Tyres screeching loudly against the road. Jihoon. Always Jihoon.

 

_“Jihoon--”_

 

 

 

 

 

“ _Jihoon!”_ Daniel screamed desperately, hands reaching into the air, fingers closing around nothing as he felt around for something-- _anything_ \-- to hold onto.

 

He’d lost it again. He saw Jihoon disappear-- he saw him entangled in the middle of everything like he was target practice and the driver of the car was gunning towards him ruthlessly. Daniel was frozen in place, unable to move or react in time to push Jihoon out the way. He saw Jihoon _die_.

 

“Fuck,” he muttered under his ragged breath, beads of sweat rolling down the sides of his face.

 

It was the same fucking dream again.

 

A quick glance at the clock sitting on the nightstand to his right told him the exact time. Three in the morning, as always. No surprise there. He lowered his hands to his sides to squeeze fistfuls of white sheets tightly, hunching over in hopes of relieving his headache. “Thank fuck it’s just a nightmare.” Something bugged him from the back of his mind. A voice. Calling him back to sleep repeatedly, almost urgently, like he wasn’t supposed to see something.

 

He wanted more than anything to slip back into slumber again, at that moment, but he had to check on Jihoon first.

 

Sometimes, the younger boy would get scared and leave the bed, the room, when it got bad. When Daniel would claw around blindly, almost as though he was tearing through his dreams, and would accidentally hurt his sleeping boyfriend. Daniel put on his glasses and crawled out of bed, slightly hissing as the cold air caressed his skin when he started to wobble into the living room.

 

“Baby?”

 

Daniel pushed the door ajar. There was no answer.

 

 _Weird_.

 

He worried his bottom lip as he shuffled around the house with uncertainty and growing uneasiness. Something was off. But all the furniture was in their places and Daniel couldn’t see what was else different. It was Jihoon.

 

 _Where is he?_  The question sent Daniel into a state of panic as it kept on echoing unabatingly and Jihoon was just-- _gone._

 

Vanished into thin air.

 

 _Gone_.

 

All at once, it came back. Like a slap in the face, like it was a joke. He’d been through this before. Walked through this house-- _their_ house-- in search of Jihoon way too many times. A fucking joke, that was Daniel. He slumped to the floor with his back against the bathroom wall, his head buried in his trembling hands. There was silence. And Daniel let it fill the room slowly like a poisonous gas, about to suffocate him and end his misery once and for all.

 

There was silence because there were no words he could choose from, no choked, dying screams he could let slip to prove how much he wanted to leave, die, drown. Jihoon was a dream. _He_ was what Daniel felt was out of place.

 

He didn’t belong next to Daniel, not anymore. He wasn’t fit for a world as dark as Daniel’s, a world plagued with the fears that tormented him daily. A world without light, because it lost its only sun.

 

It had been three years since Jihoon was forcefully torn away from his arms and Daniel was still a fucking mess. It was a tsunami, a hurricane, a shitstorm-- whatever you wanted to call it-- that mercilessly ripped Daniel’s body apart limb by limb, saving his heart for the last before smashing it to smithereens. A shitstorm that came in the form of a fucking car driven by a drunken asshole who was in no condition to drive.

 

The tears wouldn’t come.

 

Daniel was numb. He was drifting away. He was losing all his senses as the color drained out from his life, leaving a film of black and white settling over everything he had once loved. He inhaled sharply, then stood up, forcing himself to walk back to his bed mechanically. There was no point in staying in the bathroom to kick around and whine about his life, anyway. He could do that the next day. And the next. And the next.

 

It never took a break, never stopped repeating. But for some reason, every single time he woke up, he wouldn’t remember what really happened to Jihoon.

 

To them. He’d wander the entire apartment, go into every room in the same exact sequence, before ending up in the bathroom again, frozen in a fetal position on the cold ground, reeling from _everything_ that had just rushed back into his brain in a matter of seconds-- the pain, the grieving, the last few moments he shared with Jihoon. It was cruel, to hand him hope that Jihoon wasn’t gone yet, only to snatch it away minutes after.

 

Maybe it was Daniel refusing to accept what had happened.

 

Maybe he was just going crazy.

 

But somehow he always found himself hoping every single night that it would play out the same in the next day, just so he could relish in the feeling of how it was back then, when Jihoon was still around.

 

He made his way back to his room and sat down on the bed, the mattress dipping under his weight while the other side stayed the same-- untouched. Opening the drawer, Daniel managed to close his fingers around the book and pen buried under stacks of papers that were out of order, pulling the items onto his lap. The breath he let out was slow and careful and made his heart clench, almost as though he felt sorry for letting it slip away from his grasps.

 

Daniel didn’t have much time left, now.

 

 

 

 

 

 _No one tells you how empty ‘gone’ is. Even if they do, you wouldn’t understand how it feels like until you’ve experienced it yourself._ I _don’t know if I have figured out its meaning yet-- I keep on thinking you’ll come back one day, and I keep on waiting. I sit down on my side of the bed each morning and think about how unfair it is, for only one of us to be left when everything else is still here, in their places._

 

_The framed pictures on your nightstand. Your pillow next to mine. I haven’t touched any of your stuffed animals since that day, either, in case you come back tomorrow._

 

_Tomorrow._

 

_I’m running out of time._

 

 _Maybe this is what ‘_ gone' _means._

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

Minhyun was the first to arrive. As always, he was followed by Woojin, Jinyoung, and then Sungwoon. They were already seated at their usual booth by the window when Daniel pushed open the diner’s door hesitantly, wanting more than anything to turn around and walk off. His eyes met Minhyun’s first.

 

“He’s here now,” Minhyun told the rest of the group quietly, surprisingly hushed in the midst of the noisy chatter of people sitting all around them. The air was thick with the scent of so many different foods and Daniel tried not to gag when a waitress walked by hurriedly, very nearly running into Daniel, carrying a plate of fish and chips. He swallowed his annoyance and stuck with grumbling words under his breath. He hated the smell of fish. Any type of seafood in general.

 

His attention turned fully back to Woojin when the boy spoke up. “Who, your grandfather?”

 

Daniel pursed his lips tightly together and approached the table with quicker steps. Woojin had always liked poking fun at the older guy for being able to see and interact with the dead (mostly because he didn’t believe in things like that) and Daniel used to join in and tease Minhyun just for the sake of seeing his reaction, but that changed when the accident happened.

 

A _lot_ of things changed since then. It was just that none of them like talking about it, so it had stayed that way for three years now. It was an unspoken rule between the five of them to never mention the incident directly in any way, and so far, no one had broken the rule. Yet.

 

“ _No,_ ” Minhyun hissed in response. “Daniel’s here.” He motioned for Sungwoon and Woojin to move closer together so that there would be enough space for Daniel to sit. Minhyun’s expression softened when he saw how worn out Daniel looked and he offered the guy a small smile. Maybe it was supposed to be comforting but the only effect it had on Daniel was to tempt him to lash out and punch the shit out of Minhyun. They all knew what they were gathered for today. It was just that no one had the balls to start the ball rolling ( _hah)_.

 

Everyone was avoiding eye contact with Daniel at this point. It made him fidget uncomfortably in his spot.

 

It was cold.

 

“You’re not going to eat?” Minhyun asked.

 

Daniel was the only one without a plate of food in front of him. “Yeah, I don’t have much appetite.”

 

Woojin and Jinyoung exchanged looks across the table as Sungwoon leaned forward, eyes set on the food determinedly like he didn’t want to look up. He picked at the runny eggs with a fork and exhaled slowly. “Look, we all know none of us want to be here right now. So let’s just get straight to the point.”

 

“I have a lot of work to do,” Jinyoung suddenly voiced.

 

“It’s _Saturday_ ,” Woojin tried to reason.

 

The younger boy shrugged and looked out the window. “I’m trying to get everything done this weekend. Can we please just hurry?”

 

Minhyun raked a hand through his hair. “Alright. Just-- listen. It’s already December and the anniversary is coming up quick. All of you can leave as soon as we fix a date and time to visit the place. It’s as simple as that.” He bought a few seconds by swallowing. “I just thought that-- you know, maybe we could talk a little like the old times. It’s been a long time since we met up like this,” he confessed. “I missed you guys.”

 

“You’re just suffering post break-up symptoms,” Sungwoon brushed it off harshly. Minhyun made an effort of trying not to flinch. “Let’s be honest, things have been different since he died and there’s no use trying to patch things up between us. We just have to visit him every year and act like we still care about each other, that’s all.”

 

“ _Sungwoon hyung_ ,” Woojin seethed, eyes warily darting about.

 

“What? I’m just saying what everyone is thinking.”

 

“Still. Daniel’s here.”

 

“You’re always saying how we disregard Daniel but now you’re the one talking as though he isn’t where he is.” Sungwoon cast a short look to his right side, where Daniel was slumped over with his eyes squeezed shut, breathing irregularly in short bursts. “We don’t have to make this any longer than it needs to be.”

 

Minhyun looked to Jinyoung for support, but the younger boy kept his eyes downcast, sullen and silent. “I have a lot of work to do,” he relented and repeated after a pregnant pause, shoulders weighed down with the heaviness of Minhyun’s disbelief.

 

“It’s fine.” He brought his shaking hands together on the table to still them. “I understand why they’re doing this,” Daniel continued to say.

 

The self-appointed leader of the group glared at Daniel before he could talk any further. He was clearly the only one in the group, besides Daniel, who still cared about upholding their ‘ _tradition’_ of visiting the place annually. It hurt to admit, but Sungwoon wasn’t wrong when he said that things between them were… not as great as before. Not to mention, it wasn’t complete anymore with one of them missing. Or two.

 

Everything fell apart. The accident tore through all their lives and affected them all, despite none of them admitting to it. At first, they met up almost every day to console one another, made sure they were all okay. They tried to maintain it that way so that they wouldn’t lose another friend. They were especially anxious and worried when it came to Jinyoung, who was undoubtedly the most devastated and grief-stricken when he was told of what happened. He tried to deny it at first, unable to believe that he’d just lost one of the most important people in his life.

 

 

His parents were the worst. Uncaring, probably wouldn’t have cared less if Jinyoung had been the one involved in the accident. Their circle of friends was what found him and raised him, taught him and walked him through the most difficult times in his life when all he wanted to do was take off a cliff and let fate decide if that should be the end of him.

 

At least that was what it had seemed like. Jinyoung had become cold over the last few years.

 

Sure, they all suffered from the loss, but it was _Daniel_ who had ultimately lost everything in that one second. He could have kept them together.

 

He could have stopped it from happening.

 

All he had to do was propose at a different time, a different place. Minhyun always told him that it wasn't his fault, that it didn't happen because of the proposal, but it was clear who was the first person they'd blame when Daniel's back was turned. When Daniel refused to come out the apartment, they relented and just let him. They gave him space, but what they didn’t know was that at the same time, they were seizing yet another piece of his sanity. With each day passing, he became even less of what he was before.

 

He found solace in a bed of lies. He acted as though Jihoon was still next to him-- that was when the reoccurring dreams began. They were daily reminders-- an account-- of all the things he’d let slip out of his grasp when he wasn’t paying enough attention.

 

He’d lost the sweet smiles, the little mole in the crook of Jihoon’s neck that he treated like a target, soft ‘good morning’s when they wake in each other’s arms and playful bickering in the afternoons as they cooked up lunch. Daniel missed the way Jihoon’s soft locks of hair caught the light and turned honey brown in some parts when they watched the sunset every evening, the kisses they shared at night. Daniel didn’t fall asleep to a hand gently running up and down his face like light pecks anymore. All because he was selfish enough-- _foolish_ enough-- to think that he could keep Jihoon around forever so long as he proposed.

 

He wasn’t careful enough. He let out a breath that sent everything crumbling down, down, down. And Daniel, deluded, found himself suffering the consequences of the worst crime he could ever commit-- he held onto the last wisp of hope and _wished_. Wished for something that was already gone. And then--

 

He lost Jihoon.

 

He lost himself.

 

The sigh that reached his ears was resigned and weary. It signaled the end of his effort to pull his life back together again. He was drained. He was tired of playing a game of tug of war which he had no chance of winning. The sigh was small, barely audible, and it dissipated into the air like it was never there.

 

“We don’t have to do this,” he finally said, giving in. “If you really want to do it, then sure-- you can come along. But if you think it’s just a waste of your time, then I’m not going to hold it against you if you decide not to. It’s completely up to all of you.”

 

“What are you _saying_ .” The words that left Minhyun’s mouth didn’t sound like a question. They were more accusatory. “We can’t just _not go_. Jihoon’s our friend. _You_ are our friend.”

 

“If Daniel says it’s fine,” Jinyoung started to say, swallowing before he continued, “then I think it’s okay.”

 

“Well then, that’s finally settled.” Quietly, Daniel slipped out the booth so that Sungwoon could leave. They both stood by the table as the shorter guy stared at Woojin. “Come on, do you want a ride back?”

 

Woojin shot an apologetic glance towards Minhyun, climbing out shortly after. He smiled in Daniel’s general direction, then followed Sungwoon out the diner as the latter had already left.

 

A lame last-minute excuse made up by Jinyoung later, only Minhyun and Daniel were left sitting in the awkward silence.

 

Daniel couldn’t bring himself to start a conversation.

 

Neither could Minhyun.

 

 

 

 

 

_Never be scared of not being loved for who you are. But more importantly, before you fall for anyone, make sure you love yourself first. There’s a reason why I’ve been stuck in the same place since I lost Jihoon. It’s because he was my everything. I gave away every piece of myself to him, and now I have nothing left to make myself whole again._

 

_I want to be with him again, but I’ve tried and tried and nothing works._

 

_Don’t lie to yourself. There are places that can never be reached no matter how differently you do things. Not everything is a consequence of your actions, not everything is your fault. In this world, there are many things that are beyond your control. Sadly, these are also most likely the ones that have your future in their hands._

 

_That’s why you have to love yourself first. Nothing changes, no matter how many times you wait for the seasons to repeat._

 

_Don’t be trapped by guilt or regret-- the rest of the world doesn’t wait._

 

_They don’t wait and they don’t remember. Trust me, I know._

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

“I still find it weird that you can see dead people.”

 

“I only see the ones I knew really well so I don’t think there’s anything weird about that. It’s nice, sometimes, knowing that your favorite relatives are still looking after you, making sure nothing bad happens,” Minhyun answered automatically, the words leaving his mouth easily because he had explained it a thousand times before. “You asked before. And I answered.”

 

The corners of Daniel’s lips were tugged upwards into a smile. “I know. It’s just-- _weird_.”

 

Minhyun snorted. “It’s not _that_ weird. Twenty-two percent of the world’s population sees ghosts. I’m not special or anything like that. I just happened to be born with it.” He pulled out a box of cigarettes from his pocket, then took one out, lighting it up. His eyes fluttered shut as his system responded to the smoke that wrapped around his lungs tightly, then filled it up.

 

Daniel watched him with a shake of his head. “Are you sure your dead relatives are looking after you? I’m pretty sure they would’ve said something about smoking by now if they were.”

 

The older guy parted his lips around the swirls of grey cloud that escaped his mouth. “They ask me to quit.” He breathed out heavily. “Every day. But they don’t exactly know how it feels to be this fucked up in the head, when all you think about is ‘ _what could have been’_. It fucking sucks, I guess. I’m going to have to go back to work on Monday and pretend that everything’s fine with me just so I can get through the day without being asked if I am. They just-- they don’t know when to stop.”

 

“Your colleagues?” Daniel asked. He was answered with a nod and a grunt. “This is about your ex, isn’t it?”

 

Minhyun chuckled darkly. Only Daniel could see how his insides shrunk when the word ' _ex_ ’ was mentioned. This was the first stage of heartbreak everyone would have to go through-- denial. Denial for the fact that they had just gone from being the world’s most-envied couple to a pair of strangers again. It was an unfamiliar feeling that threw your balance off when you have to acknowledge each other as strangers, when maybe weeks before, you heard yourself thinking, _I like this, I_ want _this to go on. I feel safe_.

 

Because _safe_ is a lie, and everyone would rather see the world through lies rather than the truth.

 

 

 

 

 

_But that’s what makes couples break up in the first place. It’s you, your inner self, the small voice in the back of your head-- whatever you want to call it-- that tells you what you have to do. People think you only become strangers after the break up. It’s not true. It starts way before, and the suspicion only builds up over time, which leads to the end of the journey._

 

_I fell in love with Jihoon because I knew him like the back of my hand._

 

_I proposed because I couldn’t accept the fact that as time passed, I slowly felt us growing distant._

 

_He became an entirely different person and I hated that I was the only one who saw it._

 

 _One day, I woke up in the middle of the night and found him missing from the room. I walked out and found him standing in the balcony, looking at the stars as though he wasn’t wishing, but instead he was_ pleading _, for a sign that there was someone on the other end listening to his words. The sky was a mirror that night. It was a mere reflection of the galaxies trapped in Jihoon’s eyes. With his hands clasped in front of him tightly, everything suddenly clicked in my mind-- I knew what he was doing._

 

_In the heart of his two small hands, we were there, and he was holding us together, scared to let go. It was frightening to know that it had been that way all along._

 

 _It was_ that _night that gave me the final push to do what I thought was right._

 

_The proposal._

 

 

 

 

 

“I don’t know how you do it.”

 

“Do what?” He looked at Minhyun, who was pressing forward against the same railings Jihoon’s hands were resting on three years before.

 

“You… _seem_ normal. Normal enough, anyway. You never really cried as hard as I had expected you to, after Jihoon.” Minhyun’s words elicited a laugh from Daniel.

 

It felt good to be laughing again. He used to laugh all the time, because having your soulmate by your side was nothing to be crying about. “I don’t know what makes you think that way, but I’m definitely not normal. _By far_. But you,”-- he took a step closer to Minhyun, then placed his hand on the older guy’s shoulder, squeezing the tight knot of muscles there-- “you’ll learn to get better. Somehow. One way or another, you’re going to have to live with it.”

 

“You don’t know that,” Minhyun said flatly, then dropped the cigarette onto the ground and stamped on it with his shoe to put it out. “I’m probably never going to see him ever again and I barely stopped myself from breaking down again just before I left to meet up with you guys. It just-- feels so _hollow_ . There’s plenty of reason for life to keep going on but it’s like I’ve lost the ability to _care_.”

 

“I never said you wouldn’t cry. In fact, you’ll cry so much that eventually, you’d drown in your own tears. It’s like a sea. The water will flood into you, whether you like it or not, then it’ll push everything _out_. The sadness, the pain-- they won’t live in you anymore. You’ll learn to live in them.”

 

Minhyun scoffed. “Is that even possible? What difference does it even make? It’s the same thing anyway, living with pain and living in it. Fourteen years, Daniel… _fourteen_. We were so close to getting better.” The younger boy inched closer and patted his back.

 

“It won’t be a breeze, but you’ll gradually forget what it had felt like to have someone you love settling into your arms like it was home. You’ll get used to the unhappiness. I promise.” The words scarcely managed to escape his mouth, weighed down with unusual heaviness that made Daniel sound small and dismal.

 

Daniel was always smiling and laughing around him, Minhyun had forgotten just how much agony covered the boy from head to toe. He looked at Daniel now, _really, really_ , for the first time in a while. He saw a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, layers and layers of misery that rolled off his sagging shoulders like a bleak aura clinging to his frame.

 

Minhyun could only see sadness.

 

"Do you really have to leave?"

 

"Well... it's not something I can choose, is it?"

 

He ran his tongue across his dry lips, taking time to hesitate, trying to decide if he should say it or keep silent. “Daniel--”

 

“I know,” the guy interrupted. “I know.”

 

“I’m sorry it had to happen to you,” Minhyun said slowly, the lump in his throat refusing to budge. “You didn’t deserve any of it.”

 

Daniel’s breath hitched and as though a dozen knives were finding home in his stomach at that moment, he curled over as much as he could while standing to ease the pain, even though he knew very well that it wouldn’t do shit to help. He gritted his teeth and curled his fingers so tightly around the railings, his knuckles turned white. There was nothing either of them could do but wait for the excruciating pain to pass.

 

“ _I know_.”

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

A week flew by quickly and soon, Minhyun and Daniel found themselves silently trudging along the path to the graveyard, each step a bit slower and heavier than the last. They’ve done this for a few years already and yet, it never felt familiar to either of them.

 

They didn’t have to walk that far in to reach their destination, but the sight of another figure bending over the slab of grey stone to trace his fingers across the name on it abruptly stopped Daniel in his tracks. Minhyun’s hands were immediately on his back and arm, giving support to him so he could stabilize himself. Worry and confusion pushed Daniel’s eyebrows together as his mind went spinning, racking for a reason as to why he would be here. Why _Jihoon_ would be here.

 

He looked to Minhyun, desperate for help, his lips parting to let words out but not finding the right ones.

 

“I’ll talk to him for you,” Minhyun assured Daniel. The latter nodded once, then twice, stumbling forward to reach for Jihoon. _Why can I see him_ . “Daniel, please. Stay back.” The words came out harsher than Minhyun had intended, so he softened his expression to make Daniel just listen and _wait_. “You can’t come any closer, Daniel, I’m sorry.”

 

But _Jihoon_ was right in front of him. He was far enough to be unable to overhear their little conversation, but _still--_ it was Jihoon, with his soft brown hair and doe-like eyes, his chapped red lips and his body layered with scarves over sweaters and a black winter coat. He turned around when Minhyun called and Daniel just-- he was crying.

 

After months of not being able to cry, he finally realized why. Everything had been leading up to this moment. It had been a long time, almost two years, since Daniel managed to convince himself that Jihoon was never coming back ever again, but now that Jihoon was _here--_ really, truly, _here--_ Daniel saw the glimmer of hope he never really let himself have. He cried.

 

Minhyun glanced back at him for only a second, the concern showing on his face, before he took in a deep breath and approached Jihoon cautiously.

 

“Jihoon.”

 

The younger boy who was crouched by the granite sticking up from the ground didn’t even bother checking who it was before he spoke. “Minhyun,” he said in grim acknowledgment. “Nice to see you.”

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

“Frolicking through the fucking flowers, what else. No, really, why else do you think I would be out here in the cold?” Minhyun fixed Jihoon a glare and the latter tucked his nose into the scarf wrapped around his neck. There were a few muffled words about ‘how fucking cold it was’ uttered under his breath, but Minhyun couldn’t grasp the exact sentence.

 

“I just-- didn’t think you would still visit. We always come and you’re never around.”

 

Jihoon tilted his head upwards. “I actually have a good reason not to. I shouldn’t even be here right now. I shouldn’t have come in the first place.” Finding purchase on the stone, Jihoon pulled himself onto his own feet and stood there, frozen, for a moment, his gaze set on the name engraved on it. Minhyun could’ve sworn he saw something flickering in his eyes, but it was gone as quickly as it had appeared.

 

“Daniel loved you.” Minhyun grabbed his arm and pulled him closer abruptly before he could make a run for it. “And you’re weeping over this grave not because of him, but because of _Seongwoo?_ Sad over the fact that you wasted so many years being with Daniel instead of him, is that it?”

 

The younger boy’s eyes were steely and hard as they met Minhyun’s steadily, unafraid. He tugged his arm back from Minhyun’s loosening grasp and looked around one more time. "Yeah. I could've been chasing after my own happiness instead. Really selfish of me, wasn't it? You should be glad I didn't leave him earlier."

 

"He  _loved_ you. Are you really saying you never felt the same for him?"

 

Jihoon pursed his lips and stole a glance at his bare wrist before remembering that he didn't put on a watch that morning. “Take care of Daniel for me, will you?”

 

Daniel watched him walk away, and it felt like the world was crumbling in his wake, every single step he took leaving another crack running wild through Daniel’s universe.

 

There wasn’t much time left, now.

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

 _Three years before_.

 

 

Jihoon couldn’t pinpoint an exact date or time when he started noticing how their relationship took a turn for the worse, but it bothered the fuck out of him once he detected the changes in the way the both of them behaved. He tried to sit down with Daniel to talk about it once (without directly mentioning it, of course) but the latter had just brushed it off like it was unimportant, like it was just a figment of Jihoon’s imagination.

 

So he couldn’t help it-- he fell out of love. _Hard_.

 

For quite some time after that, he still harbored a hope for their future, wished upon shooting stars that it would just be a stupid phase they would both work their way out of, but as the clock hands ticked by and time passed, Jihoon’s patience was wearing away quicker than before. Whenever Daniel was away on a business trip and Jihoon had to spend a few nights alone, he always ended up in the corner of a room, worrying his bottom lip until it bled and stung from the tears rolling down his cheeks.

 

He wanted to love Daniel. He _had_ to love Daniel.

 

But somehow, he just couldn’t. It was like a switch that couldn’t be turned on anymore, no matter how hard he tried.

 

That was how Daniel found Jihoon sitting in their bedroom when he came back the next day-- hysterically crying and trembling and _starving_ , and suddenly afraid of facing his boyfriend. It took the latter a whole hour to coax Jihoon into his familiar embrace, then another half hour to feed him something, all the while assuring Jihoon that absolutely nothing was wrong with them, and that he would never leave him.

 

So maybe that was the first time Jihoon’s mind—and heart—started wandering elsewhere, drifting further and further away from Daniel although he would never admit it. It was not that he wanted to be so selfish, it was that Jihoon was almost certain it was just a phase that would pass eventually, and they’d be back to being hopelessly in love with each other like nothing happened.

 

It didn’t work out like that.

 

And it only took Jihoon two months for the realization that he was _no longer in love with Daniel_ to finally sink in. He had never been so relieved—but he didn’t expect it to feel like that, and for some time, he wondered if there was something wrong with him.

 

But falling out of love was normal, _right?_

 

 

 

 

It was Seongwoo who finally assured him, and made him believe, that it was.

 

 

 

 

It started like this—

 

It started with lingering looks across the room that left behind too many questions in its trail when Seongwoo was around. It started innocently enough, but then, as most things did when time passed, that changed as well. Their relationship was complicated, and it was wrong—both of them knew as much, and yet neither made a move to just _stop_ and fully comprehend their situation and what they were doing behind Daniel’s back.

 

Seongwoo had been friends with them for a very long time, but didn’t stay long enough after their university days to be included into their post-graduation group. Jihoon had always looked up to him as they both majored in dance, but Daniel never really thought of Seongwoo as competition, a potential threat when it came to contending for Jihoon’s heart. He was—just a _friend_. And besides, Jihoon had never expressed interest in him, not when he was so blinded with his love for Daniel.

 

But he was always there.

 

 _He was just always there for Jihoon_.

 

One kiss—a peck on the corner of Jihoon’s lips that insinuated and hid a much darker need they both shared.

 

A second one followed, and Jihoon was pressed against a wall, caged between Seongwoo’s arms with their lips slotting together, already open and ready for what was to come next. It didn’t feel like love, it didn’t feel as right kissing Seongwoo as it did when it was with Daniel, but Jihoon couldn’t help wanting more, _more_.

 

Seongwoo complied by granting Jihoon with a third kiss after they pulled apart for a brief moment to consider what they were doing, and if they were okay with suffering through the consequences of their actions sooner or later. The familiar tug below Jihoon’s stomach only egged him on, encouraging him to push this as far as possible, see where it would lead to.

 

He licked along the seam of Jihoon’s lips then delved in deeper without another moment of hesitation.

 

This was it.

 

This was what he had been craving for, for so long.

 

The tips of Seongwoo’s fingers traced the expanse of his skin eagerly and drove all thoughts and doubts of whether they should be doing this to the back of his mind, and the single word that took their place was a name. The same name he was grunting, breathing, as hot air fanned across his collarbones and made his blood rush south.

 

“Are you sure you want this?” Seongwoo asked one last time when they finally made it past the door and he was on top of Jihoon, who was all sprawled out on the bed like a divine feast he couldn’t wait to dig into.

 

Jihoon pulled him closer by the collar and breathed, “ _More than anything_.”

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

Daniel knew what Jihoon looked like when he was in love.

 

It had been a long time since he saw that look of confirmation that always assured him without fail that they would be okay. Because they weren’t going to be okay.

 

It took an even longer time for him to acknowledge that.

 

But he saw it happen—he saw the way Jihoon threw his head back and laughed genuinely, unrestrained, when Seongwoo cracked another one of his jokes. He witnessed how a smile played fondly on Seongwoo’s lips, the look in his eyes softening, when Jihoon had to wipe away tears from his cheeks after laughing too hard. Daniel saw them fall in love, saw them _being_ in love, and gave up on trying to confront the both of them about their affair. They thought they hid it well, but Daniel hid his heartbreak better.

 

Or maybe they just couldn’t care less about how Daniel felt, too caught up in their own happiness.

 

He knew what it was like to be in love with Jihoon, because he still was, until the very last moment. He was all too familiar with the feeling of not wanting to let go of the younger boy, not even for a second, in fear of losing him to something else—or _someone else_ —so he decided on his own to do whatever he had to in order to keep Jihoon by his side.

 

He knew that Jihoon would say yes when he proposed on their anniversary.

 

(Not because he was still in love with Daniel, but because _he had to_ , so he could get rid of all the suspicions of what was going on between him and Seongwoo. Because he wasn't ready to make a choice.)

 

He knew that Jihoon would never love him the same, even if they got married officially in front of their families and friends after years and years of planning the actual event.

 

(Not when Seongwoo would be amongst the many faces in the crowd, attending the wedding because of Jihoon and _only because of him_.)

 

He knew that Jihoon would have to continue faking his happiness afterwards, and that Daniel would never really be the reason why he smiled anymore.

 

(But Daniel wasn’t ready to let go yet. He needed more time, and a proposal would buy him some, if not a lot. A few more years of tracing Jihoon’s smile in the mornings, a few more years of hugging the younger boy to sleep with his head burrowed in Jihoon’s neck, breathing the scent of him in. A few more years for Daniel to try to make them work again. They were happy before— _fuck_ , they were frolicking through flowers and breaking into song back then—and Daniel needed to know if they could return to what they were years before if they _had the chance to just try_. And if not, then at least Daniel could be comforted with the fact that he had at least tried. That he had given it his all.)

 

He should’ve just broken things off with Jihoon.

 

Instead, he pushed for what he knew wasn’t right.

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

It was Christmas eve.

 

They usually spent Christmas eve being _everywhere_ . The supermarket going for grocery shopping when they didn’t even need most of the stuff they threw into the trolley, the mall where they bought gifts for their families and friends, the park, making out under every mistletoe they came across. They usually spent Christmas eve being _happy_. Together.

 

Just the both of them-- just Kang Daniel and Park Jihoon.

 

But now, instead of Daniel, it was Seongwoo in his place.

 

On the bench, cuddling up to each other, his hand on Jihoon’s cheek. They were both staring at each other in a way that brought Daniel a few years back in time. Slowly, carefully, Daniel limped towards the couple and sat down beside Jihoon, trying to peel his gaze away from Seongwoo’s loving smile. It wasn’t as though they could see him glaring at them.

 

“Beautiful night, isn’t it?”-- he wanted to say, but stopped himself short. Swallowing the words, he turned his head sharply to the sky. It wasn’t as though they could hear him speaking.

 

His hand wandered unconsciously to seek Jihoon’s out, but pulled back when he remembered that it was no longer a hand he had the right to hold. It wasn’t as though Jihoon could feel his touch on his skin, anyway.

 

“You’re acting a little weird today, Jihoon,” Seongwoo remarked with a little frown. Not of anger, not of doubt-- he was just concerned. It pained Daniel to witness firsthand how much the older guy genuinely cared for Jihoon. Seongwoo ran his fingers through Jihoon’s hair, then leaned forward to plant a kiss on his forehead. “What’s wrong? You can tell me.”

 

Daniel inched closer to make out the words more clearly.

 

“I visited him today,” Jihoon confessed in a whisper barely audible. “I saw Minhyun there, and he just-- I don’t know, made me feel guilty or something. It’s obvious he’s been blaming me for what happened but how could I have known?”

 

Seongwoo gently coaxed Jihoon closer to him, close enough to let Jihoon rest his head on his shoulder. “It’s not your fault, Jihoon, it’s going to be fine.”

 

“Sometimes I feel like I could have stopped it. It was just that I didn’t _want_ to stop it.”

 

“What do you mean, babe? It happened way too fast for anyone to do anything. It’s not you, babe, I promise.” He twirled a strand of Jihoon’s hair with a finger and rested his chin lightly on top of the younger boy’s head.

 

“You don’t understand-- you weren’t there. I was. I watched Daniel rush over without a second to even stop and think about the consequences. I watched him with his eyes fixed on me, his hands reaching out, already ready to push me out the way. The way he reacted that fast… it was clear what he was thinking-- he just wanted to get me out of harm’s way. And at that moment-- _fuck--_ the only thing that flashed across my mind was _you_. I knew that if I didn’t let Daniel save me, I’d lose you. So I let him. It wasmy fault.”

 

Daniel’s heart skipped a beat. His vision blurred a little, his world tipped sideways and everything was just crashing into each other--

 

He wanted to reach out and fucking _tear them apart_. He wanted for Seongwoo to die. He wanted Jihoon to live as him for a day to just try _feeling_ what it was like to be dead. He wanted someone-- anyone-- other than himself to understand what it was like to have so much _life_ left in you even after you’ve died. But not the good kind. That was what kept him tied to this world-- the regrets he still harbored.

 

He wanted to _leave_.

 

Jihoon was frozen, but Seongwoo kept on stroking his back, telling him that it would all be okay.

 

_“It’s going to be okay, baby. I’ll always be here for you, I promise.”_

 

Sometimes Daniel wondered to himself if it had been worth it-- dying in Jihoon's place, suffering all by himself as everyone else's lives went on just the same.

 

But every single time he asked himself that question, he'd remember Jihoon's smile, and he'd decide that if his life was what it took for the sun to keep on burning, then what he did was only right.

 

 

 

 

 

_-_

 

 

 

 

 

Jihoon had always been scared of thunderstorms. He wasn’t scared of much, but something about unabating storms had always freaked him out.

 

Whenever it rained heavily, he’d use to find his way to Daniel (or, to be specific, it was Daniel who always seeked him out first) and within a few minutes, they’d be comfortably settled under thick covers and each other’s warmth. (Especially Daniel-- he was almost like a fucking furnace).

 

When it got _really_ bad, Daniel would kiss away Jihoon’s tears and hold him closer, tighter, just to remind Jihoon that he was _right there_.

 

He’d hug him and kiss him and tell him over and over again:

 

“ _It’s going to be okay, baby. I’ll always be here for you, I promise.”_

 

It hurt that it wouldn't be him saying those words for Jihoon anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  _ **The e**_ ** _nd_.**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow. so that was a journey. i had a lot of issues as i struggled to finish writing this and however flawed it is, i'm happy with how it turned out. i know many of you might be confused but i'll try to upload the epilogue in a day or two! it'll be quite short, but i promise it'll make more sense after that.
> 
> so, as a short explanation, daniel was the one who died in the accident but reading it from the start will confuse you and make it seem as though jihoon was the one who left. if you re-read the fic (no need to do it in detail, you can you skim through akshflaf), you'll see clues scattered throughout the entire place hinting that daniel was dead and no one other than Minhyun could see him. the waitress who nearly bumped into him was a small clue, the bigger ones include minhyun having to repeat everything daniel says so that the rest could hear; daniel saying repeatedly that he was running of time, etc.
> 
> long story short, daniel found out that jihoon had been cheating and was unable to accept it, so he decided to propose to him just so jihoon would agree to stay with him at least for a few more years. (why jihoon couldn't reject him, i'll talk about it in the epilogue)
> 
> daniel jumped in front of jihoon to shield him when the car came, he died.
> 
> i dont want to reveal too much >.> leave your questions in the comments and i'll try to answer em when i can.
> 
> this fic is part of the starry nights nielwink project so please go check them out on twitter! This is winter themed, and the next one will be spring themed.
> 
> my twitter is @nwspoiltmilk, feel free to dm me there to yell at me about ANYTHING at all.
> 
> love you guys!!! please leave comments and kudos and loveee <33


	2. The epilogue

 

 

 

 

 

Daniel left his book with Minhyun.

 

Of course he would.

 

 _Besides, who else would be able to stomach its contents other than his own best friend?_ Page after page, all filled up to the very last lines on the bottom with episodes of Daniel's suffering since the start of the affair. His pain. His agony. Words he had always wanted to relay to someone, but never got a chance to.  _And now I'll know_ , Minhyun thought to himself bitterly as he brushed his thumb lightly across the cover,  _only after he has left for good_.

 

Fear tugged at his heart, made his hands shake as he flipped it open.

 

He had no idea why Daniel always  _had_ to be this dramatic-- it would've been easier for Minhyun to know how his best friend's last few days were like if it had been a series of voice recordings. Or just--  _something else_. Paintings (but Daniel had never been skilled at art) or maybe even one last phone call? (But it wasn't as though Daniel had any idea when he would go. He just... went.)

 

Because of Jihoon.

 

Because of a boy who couldn't love him back.

 

Minhyun knew that Jihoon couldn't help falling out of love, but just thinking about him made Minhyun's blood boil. They were supposed to be together-- Daniel  _believed_ that they were endgame, willing to let the affair go on even if it meant more and more secrets kept from each other, and sufferings and agony.  _Pain_. He endured through everything because he believed that Jihoon would wake up one day and realize who he was really supposed to be with, and for what?

 

The answer?  _Nothing_.

 

Jihoon only fell deeper into the black hole that was Seongwoo and he  _did_ wake up one day to understand who he had to be with in order to be happy. And that man wasn't Daniel.

 

Those last few days before the accident happened were unbearable and excruciating not only for his best friend but for him as well. It made him feel useless. Like a bystander. A witness to an accident that just walked away quietly.

 

An accident. Ha bloody ha.

 

He'd never seen Daniel that hollowed out before. Daniel had always introduced Jihoon to all his friends and associates as his one and only sun (as cheesy as that was, it used to always put a genuine, happy smile on Jihoon's face), so when he first lost Jihoon to Seongwoo, it really felt as though all the colors and sunshine have been drained from his world. He became a void and for the longest time ever, Minhyun had the idea that the unhappiness would be permanent. Daniel was broken and like glass, the damage was irreparable.

 

He was right.

 

What happened to Daniel soon after was irreversible and sometimes Minhyun felt as though he was the only person in the world who was still grieving over the only guy he'd known to be this selfless.

 

The world was cold.

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes Jihoon still had dreams about it.

 

Sometimes Jihoon still had doubts about his decisions.

 

Sometimes...

 

He'd wake up surprised that the man sleeping next to him wasn't Daniel, but Seongwoo instead.

 

 _Today_ , he was alone in bed, staring at the white, bare ceiling as he waited for Seongwoo to come back from work. He still wasn't used to how...  _strange_ and cold Seongwoo's apartment was. Daniel's apartment was the exact opposite of this-- it was a place that was always vibrant and alive somehow. It was the type of space that you'd walk into and immediately know that someone was living in it. Maybe it was all the weird, out-of-place ornaments that Daniel insisted on displaying all over their living room on all the available surfaces. The jigsaw puzzle that depicted zombie pirates leaping into the sea from their exploding ship (Jihoon hated that one particularly because it had  _one_ missing piece that neither of them could find and it bothered him a lot whenever his eyes accidentally landed on it), a collection of Daniel's Star Wars figurines (Daniel actually knew nothing about the sci-fi series, but he found Princess Leah really hot) and various other miscellaneous trinkets.

 

Even their bedroom looked intimate. Not the racy kind. It was more like a secret, and inside joke only the both of them knew and understood. One detail Jihoon really liked specifically was the tree that grew from a corner of their room all the way to their ceiling, where its leaves and branches went  _sort-of_ crazy and were all entwined in one big mess that resembled a bird's nest. At the end of each leaf, there would be a small, tiny light that was actually a part of the fairy lights that were strung up there, their black bodies camouflaging amongst the curling limbs of the tree.

 

And it was home, and had been the home Jihoon knew for many, many years.

 

But things changed, people changed.  _I did, too_ , he thought to himself.

 

He never planned on leaving Daniel. It was selfish and disgusting, but for some time, Jihoon had thought that it'd be possible for him to hoard the both of them until... until one of them gave up. He just didn't expect it to be Daniel.

 

He'd fallen out of love with Daniel, but if there really was what people called an "endgame couple", they would be it-- Daniel and Jihoon, Jihoon and Daniel.

 

Daniel was gone now, and it was the worst kind of gone. It was the kind that no matter how he tried, there was no way of bringing him back.

 

 _Gone_.

 

Ever since the accident happened, sometimes Jihoon would feel like he was going to go, too. He'd been spacing out more than ever lately. He couldn't help but feel as though something had happened to Daniel, and the thought always made his heart sink to the bottom of his stomach. Since Christmas Eve, he'd been distracted somehow.

 

Like whatever it was that had been anchoring him to earth, it was gone now. And he was floating away.

 

Away and away.

 

When Seongwoo finally came back, Jihoon wasted no time in walking up to the man, then he wrapped his arms around Seongwoo's neck and pulled him closer for a kiss. Needless to say, they ended up on the bed not long after, but after they were done, Jihoon found himself thinking back to when Minhyun found him standing in front of Daniel's grave weeks before. On the anniversary of his death, Minhyun had asked for the truth.

 

_The truth?_

 

The truth was that Jihoon loved no one and Daniel loved everyone a little too much.

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

Jinyoung sighed and pushed his glasses back up his nose.

 

He was, once again, working late into the night to avoid meeting up with his friends.  _Friends_. They were more like family to him, really. But sometimes, you'd need privacy even from your own family. These past few weeks have been hell to him-- he couldn't stop thinking ( _obsessing_ ) over Daniel.

 

Daniel.  _Daniel hyung_. Just thinking about his name brought a dozen sharp knives home: his heart. Each of them hit the mark without faltering. Jinyoung rested his head on his desk, the cool glass surface providing little ease for his killer headache.  _Daniel hyung_. He opened his eyes and exhaled heavily again. His fingers trailed a name on the space next to his open laptop and he already knew who it belonged to even before he had started.

 

If he closed his eyes right now, he knew what he would see: he'd see Daniel, who would be crouching down next to him, his face all knotted up tight with concern and worry as he stared at Jinyoung. A half passed out, drunk out of his mind Jinyoung. On that day, Daniel gave him a piggy-back home (not because he wanted to, but because Jinyoung didn't have control over his own limbs at that time and couldn't walk on his own).  _Home_ as in the place where, over the next few years that flew by, Jinyoung found true happiness, redefined ' _family_ ' and realized the importance of brotherhood. That was what home meant.

 

But when they lost Daniel, Jinyoung found himself in the middle of a crumbling ruin of what he used to identify as his true home. He still had the rest of them: Minhyun, Woojin and Sungwoon. They were all great friends, sure, but no matter what they did, nothing compared to what he felt when Daniel was around.

 

The help they offered was a little too forced and their smiles were a little fake and too full of sympathy.

 

Jinyoung didn't want sympathy, nor did he ask for it.

 

He wanted a family, he wanted what their tightly-knit group of friends had before, and he wanted his Daniel hyung.

 

He was fine with the first two being taken away from him, but he couldn't understand why the universe had to snatch away Daniel, too.

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

 _Lingering spirits stop lingering when they solve the biggest mystery of all: why they can't seem to leave no matter what they do or how long they've been around since their "death_ ". That was what Minhyun had been told by his mother growing up. His mother must have been pretty sure of why she died because she vanished as soon as the disease, that had been eating her up since  _before_ she gave birth to Minhyun, finally finished her off. She wasn't even present at her own funeral. Or maybe she was sick of seeing her cheating husband's stupid face and decided not to attend, not even for her only son.

 

"Is that what happened to you, Daniel?" Minhyun asked the empty room as he walked in.

 

Today marked the third week since Daniel had disappeared. Today marked the third week since... Minhyun was left all alone in this world. His ex still wouldn't reply or even read any of his texts, there had been no "family" meetings since the last one that went terribly wrong, and his best friend stopped replying and sneaking up on him so abruptly, it made Minhyun wonder if he had been hallucinating all along.

 

If it weren't for the long messages Daniel had been thoughtful enough to leave behind for him in his journal, Minhyun would've gone crazy and started seeing a therapist. (Even though he really should, regardless of whether Daniel was around or not).

 

He sat down on Daniel's side of the bed and looked out the tall floor-to-ceiling window, thinking of nothing in particular, really.

 

He was just biding his time, waiting for Daniel to show up and maybe shout, "Surprise, mother fucker! I'm still here!"

 

Minhyun exhaled shakily and began read the first few words of the note in front aloud for all to hear, even if in reality, in the real world, there was no one left to listen to Daniel's story but him. "I had always thought that it would end differently somehow, if I managed to hold onto him until I couldn't anymore. Because in the movies he always begged me to watch with him, bearing the burden of trying to keep a relationship alive one-sidedly always turned out to be worth the pain in the end. I remember that one time when we watched this film and the guy insisted that they had to separate for their own good... my Jihoon cried for days on end and told me, "Love doesn't work that way". Well, I guess it does, because here we are. Here I am.

 

"Every day I wake up and think it could be the day that makes Jihoon realize who he wanted to share his happy ever after with, but with each day I live through, the possibility of getting him back creeps further away. If I told Jihoon that I still yearn to be together with him, even though it's impossible now that I'm gone, would he still say yes? He changed. If he saw me crying now as I'm writing this, would he call me ridiculous for wishing for a different outcome to our story?"

 

His fingers trembled as he stood up and tossed the book onto the bed, grabbed his coat and bag, and left the apartment.

  

 

 

 

 

Today marked the third time since Minhyun had tried-- and failed-- to gather up enough courage to finish reading everything.

 

 

 

 

 

Minhyun left without looking back. If he did, he would've seen how the pages flipped. How it landed coincidentally on the last page like someone had been in control over the book. How it landed on a page dedicated to Jihoon. Daniel's last--  _the very last--_ message.

 

"It's not right for me to say this to you anymore, but time is running out and if I don't write it down now, I don't think I'd be able to say it to you anymore. Park Jihoon, thank you for loving me for so long. It must have been hard to love me back, right? But thank you for trying at least. I can't say this enough, but here it is: I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you..."

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW, I KNOW. this is a chapter that was supposed to come out wayyyyyy before today. unfortunately, being the bad person i am, i literally just gave up and left ao3 (and twt) for good. i came back, tho, bc who was i kidding? i love writing and i would never be able to leave it.
> 
> originally, this chapter was supposed to be written from daniel's pov but i changed that about this fic at the last minute, too. because during the time where i wasn't around here and was dealing with my real life issues, i kinda discovered how selfish it was to only see things from my side, make decisions without asking how it was like from other people's perspectives. so here i am.
> 
> the epilogue is all about what daniel was to the people closest to him. selfless, dependable, a hero.
> 
> all the things daniel never knew.
> 
> so uh, i'll be posting the first chapter of my spring fic tmr! look forward to it <3
> 
> until then, bye bye i love you all!


End file.
